Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
