he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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