Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
