I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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