These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
