i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
