its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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