He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
