You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
