when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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