Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
