i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
