Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
