Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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