Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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