There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
