my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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