NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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