Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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