I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
