walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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