I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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