You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
