why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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