How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
