we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
