My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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