Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
