girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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