someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize