Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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