How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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