he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
