So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
