I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
