Don't you send me to vm
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
