Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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