Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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