so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
