a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize