1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
