The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
