Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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