Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
