to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
