We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
