I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
