Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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