the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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