my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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