What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
