I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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