i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
