Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
