Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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