i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
