I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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