You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
