I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
