and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
