There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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