I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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