thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
