Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
