i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
