were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Watching her eat just hurts me
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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