it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
