i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
