I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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