For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
