my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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