why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
