No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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