I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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