I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
